im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
