Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you never un-have a 4some
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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