I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
