i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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