when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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