Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
