I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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