You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
