Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My ATM looks so different sober.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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