I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
