saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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