it hurts more in the daytime
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
