A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
