I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Randomize
