Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
