I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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