I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
