Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
