So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
