I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
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