Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
