handjob tips. give me some.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
