I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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