No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
