im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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