med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
