DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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