Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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