it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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