Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
