I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
