I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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