Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
