The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
