I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
