I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
