Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
