You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
