He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
