dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
