So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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