somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
