My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
