I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
