It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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