By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
