lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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