If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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