were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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