I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
