The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
