Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
