People in love make me want to vomit
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
