Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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