Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
