SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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