yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
