but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
