Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
