i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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